Carol (kidcarbine) wrote,
Carol
kidcarbine

"summer tears cannot wrong the sunshine"

So this summer has been the worst of my life.

I move into my dream apartment June 2nd, living up life like a true queen excited for the adventures that summer in Richmond would bring, when Mia breaks the news that three of our friends had just died in a car accident.
Went to funerals in Norfolk and Northern VA, leaned on shoulders, while letting others lean on mine.
I'm finally getting over it when...
My grandmother informs me that I'm going to be an aunt.  Information that should normally make someone happy.  The problems my brother has been having with his girlfriend (not wife) just led my down a path of upset and resent I guess.  It's just some heavy shit to process.  I have currently started to accept the situation in looking towards the positives of this birth when...
my uncle calls me yesterday at about 8:00pm to tell me my mom was rushed into surgery to treat a swelling and bleeding brain.
I'm writing now from New York where, after my mom has recieved extensive life-threatening brain surgery- I am feeling a bit better.  She was pretty much unresponsive to me at the hospital today when I visited her.
Never have I had to face a more difficult experience in my life than walking into my own mother's ICU room to see her hooked up to a respirator with a shaved head  and unconcious.
I had a rough day when after trying to figure out all of her insurance problems with my family, the doctor tells us that she pretty much has a 48 hour time frame.  Only time would tell us if she'd live through the infection of her brain and spinal chord. 
She's still being treated with antibiotics and is a bit more responsive than she was earlier today.
When they told us that at her age (49) in the circumstances she was in that she only had about a 50% chance of fatality I was on edge all day.
It looks like, after my uncle and brother visited her just now, she's doing a bit better.
But still only time will tell.

I'm not sure how long I will be here.  I had to call work and tell them the news.  I gave my roommates my rent check for August before I left town.  I know I still have bills to pay.  Unfortunatly, after spending this grueling summer working and taking a class, I might have to take an incomplete for my course.  The final paper is due wednesday, and with circumstances being what they are- I don't think I can and will make that time frame.  Still waiting for my professor to e-mail me back my options for completing the course I spent 7 weeks slaving over.  Never the less, I am willing to stay here in New York to support my mom until class starts August 23rd.  My brother is with me, and I think my mom needs us more than anything now.

Please keep my family and mother in your prayers.
If this summer has taught me anything, it's that life is the most precious thing we hold in the palm of our hands.  We have the power to create and destroy our lives and the lives of those around us.  Cherish yours.  Cherish loved ones.  Keep your faith.  Do what you want to do, be who you want to be, and try to live with as little regrets as possible.

My mother dedicated her entire adult life to helping others.  Hell, her whole family did.  My grandfather(her dad) spetn 50 years as a friefighter, even in his old age he'd still drive the engines.  Her brother, Tom, also a firefighter.  Her brother, Mickey, a fire chief in a town in New Hampshire- also a paramedic.  And my mother, a dedicated operating room nurse.  I am so proud of my family.  My grandmother there to provide love and support to allow for growth and creativity.  Creating a firm household whose ideals my mother never forgot to instill in me and my brother.

Be proud yourself, and make others around you proud.
No one can take these things away from you.

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